“We see the things not as they are, but as we are.”

– H.M.Tomlinson (British Writer & Journalist 1873-1958)

Have you ever felt an instant connection with someone? Or the opposite. Have you immediately felt uncomfortable with someone and wondered why?

Do you ever notice that some days you are tuned in to some people but not so much to others? Your prospects and clients are likely to feeling exactly the same.  

Consider how much it would benefit your daily activities and your business life if you could build instant rapport with every person you met.

Imagine you need to return something to a shop which doesn’t have a return policy.  Although you know legally they must take a faulty item back you probably want the transaction to end on a friendly win/win basis rather than becoming difficult and tense don’t you?  What if you had the skills to recognise the representational system the person serving you was using and know how to keep pace with them because you used the right predicates or by matching and mirroring to ensure you achieved the result you wanted? 

It would certainly make the experience more enjoyable wouldn’t it?

So just how do you develop rapport, and specifically how do you communicate with others so they have a sense that you are on the same page as them?  

The first step is to expand your experience by developing the skills to meet people in their model of the world? Building rapport by using sensory acuity will enable you to identify traits in other people that you can pace, match and mirror.

When you understand what representational system a person prefers to experience the world, you can use suitable predicates (words) to enable you to connect with others more easily.

In the past you have probably been asked whether you are visual, auditory, auditory digital or kinaesthetic?  Before I go on, I need to explain we all use every one of these representational system at some time.  But we do have systems we prefer to work in to receive information.  And this is why it is important to have a comprehensive understanding of how to communicate with all four rep systems.

For example…

A Visual person will need to see how something works.  Use predicates such as, appear, aim, focus, imagine and insight when you are communicating with them.  If you do, you will be speaking their language.

An Auditory person will expect an explanation.  They may even turn to the side when speaking with you so they are ‘giving you their ear’.  Use predicates such as, clear as a bell, describe, discuss, loud and clear, resonate, and on another note.  Don’t bother showing them images. They will want to hear the details.

A Kinaesthetic person will prefer to get a feel for what you are saying.  Use predicates such as a firm, foundation, grasp, handle, hang in there, hold and make contact.

And an Auditory Digital person will want you to make sense. Use predicates such as choice, believe, consider, decide, experience, generate, process, experience and figure it out, when explaining your proposition.

It may seem like a simplistic method to pigeon-hole people, but understanding what language to use to build connection is a vital tool to building rapport with prospective clients.

You can read more about techniques to build rapport in “Good Girls do Sell – The Modern Business Woman’s Guide to Authentic Selling”